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oh wow, i haven't been on here in ages...when i fell for tumblr's siren song back in february, i fell hard.
ANYWAY
i just....i'm posting this here because i really don't know anywhere else i could put this without certain people seeing it, but it's something i really want to get off my chest because i can't stop thinking about it and it's making me feel a lot of emotions and...i dunno...maybe one of you could help me?  /she said as if people still paid attention to this blog

long story short, i have a crush on one of my online friends.  like one of those crushes that kind of hurts, it's so intense.  he's probably one of the most genuinely sweet people i've ever encountered in my life, he's funny, smart, and incredibly articulate, a really talented artist, and on top of all that, he's adorable. to be honest, i'm...kind of surprised that i like him this much; i mean, this is the first time i've been sincerely interested in a guy since high school, and of course i have to get a crush on someone who lives halfway across the country. 

earlier today, he posted on tumblr about a girl who came into where he works, and how they talked for a while and how much they had in common and how cute she was and how he hoped she'd come back, and his other followers were all congratulating him and being happy for him, and i wanted to feel happy for him too, because hey, dude, for once you're interested in a girl who's not 2D, well done you!

but...just......all of a sudden, it's like..i just felt this overwhelmingly painful sense of sadness and hurt and maybe jealousy, all because it wasn't me.  and i thought about it, and i kept telling myself, "jane, why are you even bothering?  he's never going to return your feelings, you're probably never going to get to hang out with him offline, and even if you did hang out with him, he'd probably not like you as much because you're kind of a jerkass most of the time." 

i spent pretty much all night crying over this.  i don't know.  i want to talk to someone about this, but who could i possibly tell this to without getting judged hardcore?  my mom would be freaked out that i even have friends online, my friends at school would think it's creepy and weird, and my tumblr friends are all friends with him (since we're all in the same fandom) and they probably wouldn't look at me the same way again if i told them about it.

and even though there's a tiny part of me that wants to tell him, i'm never going to.  this is the first time in my life i've ever had online friends, and they're all great and i don't want to risk messing anything up. 

i like to think that we're pretty decent friends at this point, and i'd really like to be closer to him, but is that even possible?  you can only get to know so much about someone when you're friends because of a blogging site. 

i'm sorry for shoving this all in y'all's face; i'm probably overthinking this....but...if anyone reading this has anything to add that could help me feel better, even if you just want to listen to me vent some more, i'd really appreciate it.

i'm not dead yet!

guess who hasn't posted anything here in forever?  I GUESS WALLACE JANE

soooo.....basically, i am way more psyched than i should be for this semester.  i'm finally learning Flash and Maya, i'm knocking a bunch of my core credits out of the way, and best of all, i'm actually going to have some time for sleep/food/a social life! 

there's also a ton of awesome artists coming to speak at the Animation Club's panel this year. :D  i'm actually gonna man up this time and bring my portfolio & sketchbook to get some feedback, unlike last year, where i pretty much stood in a corner watching everyone else get critiques and was like "FFFFFF NO ONE WILL WANT TO LOOK AT MY SHITTY DOODLES AND MY JOKE OF A PORTFOLIO HOW THE HELL AM I EVER GOING TO GET A JOB AFTER I GRADUATE AJKSLVEFLJKLJJVKLJEKGJKTLAV"

other excitement to be had later on includes:
-spring break in Colorado with Caitlin and Sotta!
-road trip to NorCal over Easter break with pretty much everyone!
-Mom coming to visit for my birthday!

.....oh god haha why am i the biggest bragger ever when it comes to my life


also, everyone should watch this slice of amazing i found somewhere on tumblr:




AKLKSLMVLEKMTLJTLKJELJLKSAJF THE GIRL'S FLAPPY LITTLE HANDS WHEN SHE'S RUNNING ARE HILARIOUS AND GREAT

my dreams. they're really creepy.

EXAMPLE: the one i had last night.
gather 'round, kids, it's story time!Collapse )

music dumpage and also some venting



uhhhhgg my job this summer is making me want to hurt people. i work 6 days/42 hours a week, the clientele at this place is ungodly rude, and most of my guy coworkers are misogynistic jerks 90% of the time. >( it's probably stupid of me to be kvetching about it, though, since a lot of my friends can't find any work for the summer....

ANYWAY here's what i've been playing on the speakers at work in order to retain some sanity whilst making salad after salad for the bitchy yoga moms of bethesda:
sweet tunes ahoyCollapse )


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DIZNEY TIEM

The Ultimate Disney Survey
Created by lizzya9 and taken 561 times on Bzoink
Movies
Which Disney Princess film is your favorite?: Sleeping Beauty
Which non-Disney Princess Disney Film is your favorite?: Peter Pan
Which Disney film makes you cry the most?: Lilo & Stitch
Which Disney film makes you the happiest?: Beauty and the Beast
Which Disney film has the best music?: The Little Mermaid
Which Disney film has the best love story?: Lady and the Tramp
Characters
Who is your favorite Disney Princess?: Belle
Who is your favorite Disney Prince?: Philip
Who is your favorite Disney animal sidekick?: Meeko
Who is your favorite Disney main character animal?: Lady
Who is your favorite villian?: Captain Hook
Which Princess is the prettiest?: Aurora
Which Prince is the hottest?: Aladdin
Music
What is your favorite Disney song?: "Go The Distance"
What is your favorite Disney villian song?: "Poor Unfortunate Souls"
What is your favorite Disney animal song?: "Be Prepared"
What is your favorite Disney Princess song?: "Almost There"
What is your favorite Disney Prince song?: "One Jump Ahead"
What is your favorite Disney Prince/Princess duet song?: "Once Upon A Dream"
What is your favorite Disney animal song?: "I Just Can't Wait To Be King"
What is your favorite Disney love song?: "Bahia" from The Three Caballeros...it's a love song to a city, so yeah, I think that counts. :3
This or That
Anastasia or Drisella?: Anastasia
Maleficent or Lady Tremaine?: Maleficent
Jack or Gus-Gus?: Gus-Gus
Iago, Abu, or Raja?: Raja
Magic Carpet or Genie?: Carpet!
Flotsum or Jetsum?: EW NEITHER
Flounder, Sebastian, or Scuttle?: Sebastian
King Triton or the Sultan?: The Sultan
Jasmine's Palace or Cinderella's Castle?: Jasmine's Palace
Flora, Fauna, or Meriwether?: Meriweather
Tod or Copper?: Copper
Rita or Georgette?: Georgette
Tito or Frances?: Frances
Marie, Toulouse, or Berlioz?: Marie
You've been totally Bzoink*d!
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